This was my first attendance at this event due to being at work on previous occasions. As it is my ethos to always try to support other local MAG groups in their endeavours wherever possible I duly arrived at the Cross Keys car park at approximately 7.15pm to find it full to overflowing. Rather than go home defeated I parked in the ASDA 24 hour car park as I reasoned I would probably not get locked in.
Rather precariously I walked to the pub as the pavements were sheathed in ice on what must surly have been the coldest night of the year so far. It was with some relief that I made it to the front door without falling on my arse although I believe not everyone was quite as lucky. Anyway once inside I took a quick scan of the clientele and wondered if I had inadvertently wondered on to the film set of a remake of Wild Hogs as it was packed with hairy bikers and that was just the women. On looking more closely I recognised many familiar faces that keep popping up all over and so I circulated nodding and chatting and handshaking my way to the bar.
I noticed all the local MAG groups had some members in attendance and also a number of local M.C.C.'s such as East Leeds Lions, Yorkies, Bridge Rats etc, which was good to see. I also came across our very own David Bailey otherwise known as Eddie with his inseparable camera slung round his neck.
Having obtained liquid refreshment the next task was finding somewhere to sit as almost all seats appeared to be taken. However just to prove what a friendly lot us bikers are a couple sat by themselves in the corner bid me join them. We had never met before but were soon chatting like old mates about all things bikey. I was grateful for their generosity but little did I know the young lady was a raving nymphomaniac and her partner some kind of super stud with the sexual prowess of a top porn star as all was revealed in great detail to the whole audience during the course of the evening.
There were times when I just wanted to crawl under the table as their bedroom antics came under scrutiny from Patrick Devine the master of ceremonies. Having waited patiently for what seemed like an eternity, Patrick took to the stage and after some light hearted banter with the usual hecklers he introduced the first act to entertain us a young lady (well everyone is young compared to me) by the name of Lou Conran.
She quickly got into her routine despite being heckled by the one and only Bradford MAG member who is also a woman and obviously didn't care for her brand of humour. Well you can't please everyone but her observances on human nature and particularly female characteristics were amusing enough. Next up was a young Indian chap by the name of Lovedev Barpaga who said he couldn't stay long as his taxi was double parked outside and he needed to get back to his corner shop.
Que loads of stereotype jokes that were quite funny particularly to Lovedev as he could hardly speak he was laughing that much which in turn made everyone else laugh.
There was a break between the acts to allow everyone time to eat their curry and purchase cupcakes that had been lovingly baked by the ladies of Leeds MAG. I didn't actually try one myself as I can't afford the calories but I was assured they were very nice indeed and contained many exotic and unusual ingredients. I can recommend the curry though as it was simply too much of a temptation to resist.
On with the show and Patrick introduced Marshal B Anderson who proceeded to put the world to rites in about three easy steps that appeared to be associated with some chap from EastEnders shouting rather loudly. I must admit that went a little above my head as not being an avid fan of the programme I wasn't too sure what he was on about but those around me appeared to find it funny. The evening was getting on and I was contemplating making a move as I had to be up at 5am next morning. However I decided to sit it out for the final act a young lady by the name of Harriet Dyer who spent the first 10 minutes of the act trying to convince everyone that she was a girl and not a rather gangly boy and neither was she a Polish lesbian although her hairstyle may have portrayed that impression. She was completely off her rocker as she pretended to lactate and spray the audience with breast milk whilst recounting some drug induced hallucination from her rather hazy past. She was rather funny though and received rapturous applause as did all the acts who it must be said gave their time for free so big appreciation to them all.
The raffle was drawn and low and behold the porn star couple won first prize of a pair of tickets for the Farmyard party. I congratulated them but stated I would be pitching my tent as far away as possible which they kindly understood.
It was the organiser's, Leeds MAG Rep Manny's birthday that day, so a big fuss was made of him and what a thoroughly splendid way to celebrate your birthday.
So that was it - a good night was had by all it was just a bit of a shame that it was a school night which severely restricted my alcohol intake as I couldn't help feeling that with four or more pints inside me the evening would have gone from amusing to belly busting hilarious but in any case was much better than watching the telly and provided MAG and NABD with extra much needed cash to boot.